Celebrating Slow Eaters

There's one in every family.  

In my family it happens to be my dad.  He's the one who can turn any meal into an all day affair.  Not because of the endless preparation involved in cooking a family feast.  He's just a slow eater.  Regardless if he's the first to start eating, he's always the last to  finish.

Turns out, that's a good thing. 

As an ACE-certified fitness professional now pursuing a coaching certificate in Dynamic Eating Psychology, I'm fascinated by many aspects of eating I've never considered before that have literally shaped my life.

I'm reading a book by Marc David called The Slow Down Diet.  He asserts that it's not just what you eat  but how you eat that determines your body's ability to digest and metabolize food.  

If you eat when you are stressed, distracted, unaware of what or how much you're putting in your mouth, is it any wonder you suffer heartburn, indigestion, bloating, constipation, or any number of digestive issues in response?

When your body is concerned with threats to your well-being, the last thing it is going to think about is digesting the doughnut that somehow found its way into abyss known as your belly.  Instead of extracting all the nutrients it can from the side of protein, fruits, and veggies you wisely fed it, your body is going to be busy secreting stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline into your circulatory system.  Blood flow will also be rerouted to your brain for quick thinking and to your arms and legs, should you find the need to fight for flee.

Can you see how operating in survival mode can give you gas or at least irritable bowels?  On the one hand you must eat to survive, but on the other, constant stress, speed, and failure to engage in the present moment will see to it that you don't.

Today's post is not intended to freak you out or give you another "should" to add to your "to do" list.  I'd merely like to make a suggestion I think is both doable and enjoyable.  

Here's the good news.  You don't have to change your diet (yet! That may come later.).  This week's challenge is simply to try this exercise in eating awareness as many times as possible.  

Here's how it works:

1. Notice what you are eating.  Notice the texture, the color, the smell, the size, any especially endearing quality about what you are about to put in your mouth.

2.  Notice why you are eating.  You love it? It was all that was in the frig? You are nervous, bored, or otherwise in need of stimulation, sweetness, acceptance, or love?  (You weren't expecting to dive deep into the psychological underbelly of eating quite so quickly?  Pack your bags.  That's where we're headed.)

3.  Take your time eating.  Before you take a single bite, breathe.  Even if you are ravenous, especially if you are ravenous, breathe. Then take a bite.  Chew.  Chew some more.  Breathe.  Repeat. Follow my dad's example. Be the last person at the table to finish eating. 

 4.  Eat in a pleasant environment.  No matter how much you love your car or office, do not eat an experimental meal in your car, at your desk, or after having an especially emotional exchange with your credit card company. Get out the china.  Use the special silverware. Break out the wine glasses. Definitely find the cloth napkins cleverly cinched up in the napkin rings you received as a housewarming gift. Whatever makes this meal meaningful, marvel at it why you so seldom make the effort to celebrate a meal, and then proceed to do so.

5.  Luxuriate in the present moment.  Maybe you are surrounded by someone who makes you laugh, lights your fire, unleashes your creativity.  Or perhaps you're alone at last. Pleasure is a nutrient too.  Don't squander the moments you've carved out to nourish yourself with crazy-making activities.  Whether it's fifteen minutes or a few hours, take the time to savor your meal.  

I am supremely confident you can do the above 5 steps without too much effort.  I also have a strong suspicion these steps have the power to revolutionize the way you eat.  

I'd love to hear what you discover.

Share if you dare below.

Six Secrets to The Art of the Start

I was talking with a friend who was describing his life as being on hold for the past three or four years.  Anyone who has been on hold for three or four minutes can imagine how excruciating three or four years might feel.  Everything he tried from seeking new employment to moving to a new city to looking for love seemed to get a resounding “no” or “not yet” from the universe even though his biological clock was ticking at an alarming rate.

I could relate, having spent more than a few years wandering around the desert in what seemed like a perpetual pause.  It wasn’t that I didn’t have dreams.  It wasn’t even that I didn’t have the time because by all accounts, especially my bank account, that’s all I had. 

 

What I didn’t have was structure, a strategy, or accountability.  I had a grand vision for my future but I had no plan for how each day could lead me anywhere but into temptation.  Like a tumbleweed, my daily course was determined by whichever way the prevailing winds blew. I was definitely in what Gretchen Rubin calls drift or “the decision you make by not deciding, or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which you don’t take responsibility.”    

The good news is most detours eventually lead us back to the beaten path, often with insights we’d never have gleaned if not for the detour.  Now that I have a lot of structure and accountability, I often lament my lack of  free time for creative pursuits.  I remembered the long days of limbo and wondered why in the world I didn’t write more, do more, or accomplish more.

But those days by their very nature evoked a kind of analysis paralysis.  I couldn’t see the gift of “the pause” then because I was so desperately confused about my overwhelming underachievement, my lack of monetary resources, and the enormous burden of potential.   I was so focused on what wasn’t working that I couldn’t see what was and take full advantage of it.  

Listening to my friend, I started thinking about what I know now that might help someone in a similar predicament take the kind of action that would pull them forward with purpose and passion.  

Here is what I came up with.  

1 -  When in doubt, begin.  You don’t know what you don’t know.  So start immediately and find out.  You do not need a lot of money to begin.  In fact, at this stage of the game, if you have too many resources, you’ll probably squander them.  Because you don’t know what you don’t know, you won’t yet know what or how to properly invest those resources.  

What you need is an idea, the courage to act on it, and someone to hold you accountable for doing what you say you’re going to do.  You must connect with other people. If you are too timid to get out and meet people, start with a virtual community.   Don’t simply stalk. Talk. Connect. Contribute.  No one knows you are there until you give yourself away.

2.   Begin again.  Every day you will need to recommit to yourself, your project, the changes you want to make, the action you need to take.  This may be easy when the project is new and fun and you are getting some positive feedback.  Regretfully, this will not last.  One day you will wake up and convince yourself none of it matters.  It does.  Begin again.

It may feel like you are taking baby steps or managing micro movements that are getting you nowhere.  It may even feel like you are losing ground.  Backing up is sometimes necessary to gain the speed you need for takeoff.  You simply must begin again.  And then again and again.  Each time you begin, you start from a different vantage point.  You gain more experience and perspective.

3.  Start where you are.  Do what you can with what you’ve got.  You will always have a reason to postpone the start if you wait for everything to align before you dare to act.  Don't miss the gift of today by waiting for the perfect someday. Lean times are the best learning times.  They teach you about what’s essential.  Creativity kicks in to help you figure out how to get it.

4. Get fit.  The same factors that contribute to an effective fitness program contribute to the success of any program.  Strength, flexibility, and endurance are essential to taking an idea from inception to execution.  You have to summon your strength for the many times things don’t go as you would like, which will be daily, possibly hourly, at the start.  You also have to stay as flexible as possible since your idea will and should undergo many incarnations as it evolves and adapts.  And you’ll need to pace yourself and build your endurance so you can manage your time and energy over the long haul.  

5.  Manage your expectations.   Beginning is hard.  Beginning again is harder.  Starting where you are and getting fit take a real commitment.  Once you’ve worked through these steps you may be more than a little anxious to see some results or at least see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Do not set yourself up for disappointment by assuming you know what success should look like and when it should arrive.  That blinding light could be an oncoming train.  Don’t get derailed by thinking it should have been your ticket out of oblivion.  Resilience is a key quality to have in your toolkit.  We are a society obsessed with overnight success and Cinderella stories.  Yours is not a fairly tale but a love story, an adventure story, a comedy and drama where all parts of you embark on a hero’s journey.  Expect the unexpected.

6.  Get ready.  Gather your wits about you.  While it may look as if nothing is happening, you’re simply experiencing that grace period when you can fly under the radar and make all kinds of mistakes without anyone really noticing.  Use this grace period to figure out who you are, what you want, why you want it and what you are willing to do, sacrifice, contribute, give up, allow, and accept so when the world comes knocking at your door, you are ready to let them in.  

If you have some secrets that you'd like to share about the art of the start, please add them below!

Live and Learn

When asked why I write, my answer is always the same.  I cannot not write.  Like eating or breathing, writing is essential to the way I metabolize life, the best way I know how to make sense of it.

I also love to read.  Reading has taken me places I could never get to on my own.  Reading makes me feel less alone, less quirky, less peculiar and more compassionate, more human, more adventurous.

Sometimes I read a line or passage so beautiful or eloquent it stays with me and shapes my entire day, month, even years.  Knowing that the right words at the right time have so much power, I couldn't think of a better super power to have than wielding words.  Okay, an invisibility cloak would come in handy.  Especially after wielding the wrong words. 

Many years ago I read  Writing Down the Bones and Wild Mind by Natalie Goldberg.  I was also reading The Artist Way by Julia Cameron.  These books became my bibles, turning my life upside down and setting my writing mission on fire.  Because both of these authors lived in or around Santa Fe and Taos, I decided I must live there as well.  Clearly, the muses gathered there.

Santa Fe is nothing short of a creative mecca.  My love affair with the landscape and the culture and the people who find their way there makes it the home of my heart.  I did some major healing there and often pine after it the way one pines after the great love that got away.

But I also agonized over every aspect of my life there.  I struggled financially, I had my heart broken more times than I care to recount, and my career floundered.  I was determined to make my living as a writer but I was drawn more to the mountains than the blank page. Housesitting gave me a place to stay, but it didn't provide a paycheck, insurance, or a benefits package beyond being young, healthy, single, and free to pursue whatever dream of happiness I could mortgage my future on.

But bills have a way of coming due and even detours eventually lead us back to the beaten path. I returned to the Midwest  and reinvented my writer's life around a "real job" and a solid foundation that has allowed me the freedom to attend blogger conferences, pursue coaching certifications and online business schools, and occasionally take a trip back to my old stomping grounds.  

Last week Bob and I took a day trip to Madison and made a stop in Mt. Horeb, home of one of my favorite eating establishments, The Grumpy Troll and a one of a kind shopping experience at  The Duluth Trading Company.  We happened to walk by a bookstore and in the window was a new book by Natalie Goldberg called The True Secret of Writing.

As you might imagine, I love bookstores.  Quaint, locally owned corner bookstores are especially dear to my heart because they are so rare now.  So I made a beeline into the store, snatched the book out of the window, and told the owner how this writer changed my life and prompted a move to The Land of Enchantment.

He then shared with me how he moved from New England to Wisconsin and how content he has been living in the land of happy cows and cheese and trolls.  Mt. Horeb is overrun with trolls. As their website claims, it's the troll capital of the world, right off the troll way.

Books create instant relationships, a safe gathering space for ideas to mingle.  The same can be said for movies, music, video games, weekly television series, or fantasy football leagues.  We're all looking for a connection, a way to relate to each other on some common ground that might eventually lead us to the uncommon ground where we really get to know ourselves.

So this morning I was reading from The True Secret of Writing and just like when I read Writing Down the Bones, I was so moved by the words that I jumped out of bed and started writing.

This morning's topic was determination and how we all hunger for certain things and how that hunger, that heat, that disturbance continues to pull us forward to become more of ourselves.  Honestly, the need for continuous quality improvement in my life often gets on my own nerves.  Enough, already.  I'm tired.

Then I got a glimpse of  Jake, our throw-the-ball, throw-the-ball, throw-the-baaaalllll brown lab, who relentlessly pursues whatever ball has not managed to end up in the Maquoketa River.  He is my determination role model.  I refuse to roll over and play dead.

As long as I'm here, I have work to do, words to write, universes to explore.  So I get up, get over myself, show up on the page, and practice writing.
 
Writing allows me to make ideas real, dynamic, interesting.  It amazes me that I have lived this long and can still discover something mind blowing every day.  I just have to stay curious and open and engaged. Easier said than done.

So I'll leave you with this excerpt from The True Secret of Writing.  May this help you stay connected with your desire to initiate whatever change you are longing to make whether it be sustaining a twelve pound weight loss or communicating honestly with your spouse or children or coworkers or completing a degree, a 5k race, or a good book.

"First we admit in our heart of hearts it's something we sincerely want.  And then we move toward it.  Sometimes we fail for a week, a month, a year, a decade.  And then we come back, circle the fire.  Our lives are not linear.  We get lost, then we get found.  Patience is important, and a large tolerance for our mistakes.  We don't become anything overnight." - Natalie Goldberg, The True Secret of Writing

I'd love to hear what you hunger for.  Share if you dare in the comments below.